Emerging Authors and New Book Series Presents:

Badass Grief by Jennifer E. Hassel

We all experience grief as part of life, and how we handle it can make all the difference. In Badass Grief, author Jennifer Hassel shares her personal experience and her inspiring approach to life after the death of her husband, Mark.  Tragedy, loss and extreme change can lead to growth if we allow it; Jennifer made brave, herculean efforts to expand her horizons, reach beyond her limitations, make connections and participate in life, and is reaping the benefits.  There is no playbook when it comes to managing grief, but Hassel offers up a positive, productive perspective that is sure to inspire readers.

Goodreads Summary

Badass Grief is for those who want to translate grief into action or live a bigger, braver life by reaching beyond self-imposed limitations.

When she looked for ways to remember her dead husband, Jennifer found suggestions to buy something, a one-and-done task. Longing to keep Mark’s memory alive, she chose a different method-practicing his fearless approach to life. First, she gets a motorcycle license. In the following years, she wears a bikini in a Las Vegas fitness contest, attends trapeze school, tries heli-skiing, and becomes a registered nurse.

Eventually, Jennifer realizes she has the strength to live on her own terms-alone. Then, a former boyfriend gets in touch, and Jennifer faces the scariest challenge of all. Can she find lasting love again?

Q & A with Jennifer Hassel

1. What is this book about and who might want to read it? 

• This book is about getting back up after life has smacked you down hard. 
• It’s a story of one young widow’s discovery that doing extraordinary things to honor her husband’s legacy led to a life she never imagined. Along the way readers learn what it’s like to try out trapeze school, go skiing out of a helicopter, wear a bikini on stage in Las Vegas, or return to college in mid-life to become a registered nurse.
• Badass Grief is for anyone who wants to find ways to live a bigger, bolder life by tapping into the idea of challenging yourself to seek out new experiences and overcome your self imposed limitations on what is possible. 
• Badass Grief is also for those who have lost a spouse, a partner, or someone beloved, and want reassurance that it’s possible to find a way forward after tragedy.

2. Tell us a bit about the loss that inspired this book.

• My husband Mark and I had planned a hiking trip to Europe to celebrate his 45th birthday. We had his mom lined up to watch our three kids and of course we were thrilled to be getting away just the two of us. 
• A few weeks before we were to leave Mark had an appointment for an abdominal ultrasound. He had been feeling especially rundown and, being a physician, he had ordered himself some bloodwork. The bloodwork results led to the ultrasound. 
• As we were driving to Mark’s primary care doc to go over the situation I remember thinking that he probably needed a course of antibiotics. What we learned, however, was that Mark had stomach cancer and that it had spread to his liver. 
• Only 2 percent of patients survive such a diagnosis. 
• Mark died 19 months later. Our kids were 10, 14, and 16. 

3. What happened next? How did you go on?

• It was so cliche. We buried Mark in January. I stood by his grave in the freezing rain. And I have very little memory of the days and weeks after that. 
• What I do remember is the utter wretchedness and loneliness of that time. Everyone who had come to help us, feed us, visit Mark, or do the things people do when there is a crisis had been doing that for a year and a half. Understandably, they had to get back to their own lives.
• I cried every single day for two full years. 
• I also read a lot of books on theology and near death experiences. I was looking for comfort and answers. I found little of either, but one book that challenged me to reframe my situation was Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. 
• Here’s a quote from Frankl: ‘Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better if necessary.’

4. Can you remember anything that actually helped you endure the first few months?

• The two things that helped me the most were physical exercise and setting short term goals. I’m talking about very small goals. Clean and organize one drawer. Write a few thank you notes. That sort of thing.
• Grief therapy was also helpful.
• Eventually I also talked to my doctor and got antidepressants and anti-anxiety prescriptions. 
• There is no solution to grief, especially in the first few months. You truly just hang on –even though part of you doesn’t want to and another part may wonder why you’re doing it. Of course for me I had three kids. They were my anchor to the world. They gave me a reason to keep going.

5. In your book, Badass Grief, you describe doing something that you call a “legacy challenge”.  What is that?

• A “legacy challenge” is basically just a way to remember and honor someone who has died. It means you take one of your loved one’s best qualities and find a way to live it out yourself moving forward. 
• One of the qualities Mark had that I loved is that he embraced being adventurous and trying new things– whether it was hang gliding, swimming with sharks, or tasting unusual foods like vegemite. He embraced life with gusto. Other people noticed this about Mark too. At his eulogy our pastor described Mark as someone who “lived fully”.
• In choosing a way to remember him I latched onto this concept- the idea that since he “lived fully” maybe that was something I needed to try to do.
• It would be a way to show my kids how to honor their dad’s memory.
• It would demonstrate that because I knew him, he had helped me become a bigger, braver person. So the starting point of the whole legacy challenge idea was simply to try to be more like Mark by embracing life.

6. Can you tell us a little more? What’s the backstory for why it was important to find a way to remember Mark?

• Before he died Mark told me “I just don’t want people to forget me.”
• Because he said this I made it my mission to find ways to ensure that he would be remembered.
• If you do a Google search for ways to remember someone, most of what you’ll find are things to buy.
• Buying something- it’s once and done. 
• I was looking for something bigger. A way to show that knowing Mark had changed who I was as a person. I wanted something dynamic, like he was.

7. So you were looking for a way to “live fully” to honor your husband’s memory and legacy. What did you do first?

• I got a motorcycle license. Now that might not sound like a big deal, but believe me it was a big deal. I was 50 years old. I had never ridden a motorcycle in my entire life- except once or twice as a passenger. I didn’t even know how to turn a motorcycle on.

8. What are some of the other adventures you’ve done for these legacy challenges?

• First, just for the record, I began doing these things when I was 50 years old- so I wasn’t exactly in my youth.
• Second, not everything is a physical adventure. The idea is to challenge myself to do something that requires me to be brave and try something new.
• One year that meant joining the public speaking group Toastmasters and learning to give speeches in front of other people.
• Another year I competed in a national fitness contest where I wore a bikini onstage in Las Vegas.

• I joined Team in Training and rode my bike 100 miles around Lake Tahoe in a single day to raise money for cancer research.
• I returned to college to become a registered nurse. I was old enough to be a grandmother to most of my classmates who were right out of high school.
• I also went on a medical missions trip to Peru
• And in one of the scarier adventures, I tried trapeze school.

9. What happened as a result of doing these annual adventures or challenges?

• At first, just having a short term goal got me out of the house and moving with purpose
• I also met new people and this expanded my social network.
• I learned new skills
• Over time I gained greater confidence in my own abilities and this fostered resilience that helped me heal from depression and grief
• Ultimately I found a new career in nursing and this provided both structure and purpose for my life.

10. A lot of people would not have the time, energy, or desire to do the sorts of things you did. How could they use the legacy challenge idea for their own loved one?

• I get that. But you don’t have to do adventures. I did adventures because my husband Mark was adventurous. The idea is to choose a quality or characteristic of your own loved one and then find a way to live it out, meaning to do things yourself that reflect that quality.
• Was your person someone who was known for his or her kindness? Then do kind things in their honor.
• Were they someone who loved to throw parties? Bake cookies? Create beautiful gardens? Go to concerts? These are all things you can do in their memory.
• I like to think that each person has a divine spark, something about them that is worth passing on. A legacy challenge is about taking your loved one’s spark, using it to light your own candle, and then carrying it out into the world. 
• Carrying a legacy can be a motivating force for doing intentional acts of generosity, bravery, kindness or love. In this way we can each work to make the world a better place.

11. Where can we find you? 

• My book Badass Grief: Changing Gears, Moving Forward is available on Amazon or wherever books are sold. 
• If you live within 90 minutes of Lancaster, Pennsylvania or Cape May, New Jersey, I would be happy to come speak to your book club. Send me an email and we can work out the details. Jenniferhassel57@gmail.com
• My website is https://www.jenniferehassel.com
• I’m also on social media, but not consistently. https://www.instagram.com/jenniferehassel/

More About Jennifer Hassel

Jennifer E. Hassel was a lawyer who then became a registered nurse after living through her husband’s terminal illness, their mutual suffering, and her own grief.  Writing from what she knows through first-hand experience, she has been published in The Philadelphia Lawyer, Joyful Life Magazine, The Sun, and the local newspaper of her hometown, Lancaster LNP.  Her coming – of – age essay was selected to be read at the Greater Capital Region YMCA’s 2023 BraVa Fundraiser.  She also won her nursing school graduating class’s Portfolio Award for her series of essays relating to the profession and practice of nursing.  Her first book, Badass Grief, will debut in March, 2024.